Who doesn’t like free things?

Now that I’ve gotten over my anguish at not having Running Shoes, I can keep going with my adventure. Which reminds me. Why does this town only have two houses?!?!?

My house on the left. BONO’s house on the right. And PROF OAK’s lab down below. And that’s it. What about those three people wandering around Pallet Town. Where do they live? Are they just visiting? Why doesn’t my house have a lock on the front door? All these questions and more…well, actually, those are the only ones.

So. I’m going out on my “first” Pokemon adventure. Where do I go? Why, north, into the wild grey wilderness, that’s where!

…Are you serious? I’m going on a Pokemon adventure, don’t tell me what to do! Wait, what? Pokemon will attack me from the tall grass? Oh shit! What should I do?

Well, we all know what happens next. That stupid Professor comes out and gets into a battle in the first square. Heh. I got two squares out with no battles. Stupid old man.

Now, here’s the thing about Pokemon Yellow version. There is only one Pikachu in the entire game. Only one. And who gets to catch it? This old guy.

Aw! Isn’t he just the cutest thing! He’s got a little spiky tail, and two rosy red cheeks. He’s like a mouse or something. Except electrically charged. Well, let’s see what this guy does, eh? He’ll probably summon some awesome creature that is way too overpowered, use False Swipe to leave Pikachu with only 1HP and then catch it with an Ultra Ball. ‘Cause the Professor is bitchin’ like that. Oh yeah, I’ll bet he has a Venusaur, a Charizard, a Blastoise, or maybe even a DRAGONITE!

http://youtu.be/_Qe9O90cD80 < — watch this to understand. NSFW. Also, really, really bad language.

Um. What. The. HELL? Did he just…shit! This guy just threw a Poke Ball, the worst type of ball, at a Pikachu with full health, and caught it on his first try. That’s just inhuman. This guy is a beast. He didn’t even need to use his Dragonite, he just caught the bitch!

Clearly, this guy knows more about Pokemon than I thought. Every other Pokemon Professor gives you a Pokemon that was bred into captivity, purely for the purposes of being given away to 10 year old boys and girls who are about to start their Pokemon adventure. OAK is clearly the best of them all.

So the guy brings me back to his lab. And who else is there? BONO. That bastard. And OAK is all, like, “TYRION, go pick up that Poke Ball. It has a Pokemon inside, and it’s all yours!” And what does that dick BONO do?

He pushed me into the wall, and stole my Pokemon.

Okay. Deep breath. That dick-face just stole my Pokemon, even though his grandfather told him he’d get a different one later. Oak probably has another one hidden away somewhere. Maybe in the trash can? No? Hrm.

No…this can’t be…are you serious? The last Pikachu in the freaking world? You’re just going to give it to me? For FREE? If you don’t want this Pokemon then…your Dragonite must be level 100.

Anyway.

Nickname? I can give this miraculous creature a NEW NAME? This is a momentous occasion. What should I do? It is the last Pikachu ever, so nicknaming it seems cruel. And it’s not like I can give it a different name later. I could give it a silly name, or a dirty one. Or one that seems to be appropriate, but actually has some weird connotation that only people with dirty minds would get.

I am a horrible person.